ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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