Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
