what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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