Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
