dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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