Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
