maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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