You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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