Heybabeimwearingurpanties
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Green mimosas i think yes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize