we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
