Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
