I molested 6 butterflies tonight
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
