she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
