Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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