he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Welp...herpes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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