can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
