Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
