my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
