So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
