can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
