im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
