As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
