i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
