i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
