why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize