Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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