Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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