do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
