I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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