Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
