It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
