And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
