So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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