He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
