maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
