Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dignity is for republicans.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
