You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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