yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dignity is for republicans.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
