I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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