I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize