So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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