now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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