There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
