I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think people are normalizing furries
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
