We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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