508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
