There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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