Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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