hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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