He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
