the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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