how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
