Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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