I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
