look no pants
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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