I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
