just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
