I'm drive I can fine osifer
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
