I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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