I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
