the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
