Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
