I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
