I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize