he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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