It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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